INTRO BANTER: Maryem - Hi Roula Roula - Hi ya Maryem Maryem - I really like za bright Christmas lights Roula - I know - I love Christmas, do you love Christmas? Maryem - I love it so much even though I'm from a Muslim family and I love singing all those Christmas carols Roula - Did you know something ya Maryem? Maryem - What? Roula - Zat a lot of za Christmas carols we love were written by Jewish composers Maryem - Really? Roula - Zat's right Song: Verse 1: Maryem - When it's Christmas time and there's so much snow and you got no place to go? Roula - All za shops are closed, you got a red red nose, and you don't want to catch a cold (or covid) Maryem - you see the city so bright, it's like the broadway lights, and you get some inspiration CHORUS: When Arab ladies get za Christmas Blues, they make it better right away 'cause they know what to do, they just sing Christmas carols written by Jews Verse 2: Roula - When you're used to za heat, not za slush and sleet, and your heart is filled with woe Maryem - All your friends went home to where they're from, and you're left downtown alone Roula - You get some Chinese food to put you in za mood for a holiday celebration CHORUS: When Arab ladies get za Christmas Blues, they make it better right away 'cause they know what to do, they just sing Christmas carols written by Jews Bridge: So if you can't hear za silver bells ringing as you walk in a winter wonderland And even if there's no chestnuts roasting 'Cause you can't make a fire, you can still take za day in hand Verse 3: If your family doesn't want to celebrate with gifts and too much food Don't let their bah humbug put a damper on your holly jolly Christmas mood Just give your spirits a lift with some cannabis and a joyous ululation CHORUS: When Arab ladies get za Christmas Blues, they make it better right away 'cause they know what to do, they just sing Christmas carols written by Jews OUTRO: Let it snow let it snow let it snow We're so sad Honest Ed's had to close Let it snow let it snow let it snow p.s. If you don't know Honest Ed's - it was a bargain store that literally sold everything (like amazon - much nicer to the employees though - and a real physical building and great bargain prices). It was a beloved landmark in Toronto and Arab ladies loved to shop there :). But alas, it was torn down and the whole block is being re-developed.

Rudolph the red nosed reindeer Had a very shiny nose And if you ever saw it You would even say it glows All of the other reindeer Used to laugh and call him names They never let poor Rudolph Join in any reindeer games Then one foggy Christmas eve Santa came to say Rudolph with your nose so bright Won't you guide my sleigh tonight Then all the reindeer loved him And they shouted out with glee Rudolph the red nosed reindeer You'll you down in history SPOKEN: M - Hi Roula R - Hi ya Maryem M - So, what's this red nosed business really about? R - I heard it wasn't about a red nose at all, it was about a guy with a big nose M - Oh my God Roula, is this another Christmas carol written by a Jew? R - It is, and of course the people were mean M - They were the actually rudies R - Yeah, if t were me, I might have said something like "Screw you popular arsehole reindeer guys" M - Yeah, why don't you suck my big red nose R - But Rudolph, he really just wanted to join the party M - Is that what the writer was really trying to say? M & R - Let's ask Dave Wall. M - He'll know R - That's right You know William and Mary and Charles and Karen Names that are waspy and pasty and aryan But do you recall Maryem, Roula and Dave Wall Semites like us love Christmas Please let us join in your fun - oh yes Instead of getting pitchforks and Killing us in mass pogroms - oh no We’ll put on shiny noses And give you khummus spread for free - Hummus not Khummus If you’ll let us sing carols And hang out underneath the tree Baby Jesus was like us Born in desert sand We promise to do our best To act like boring goyish guests Semites like us love Christmas Hear us ululate with glee Welcome us to your party And You'll go down in history

Ta'ali nit-haddas, Ihkili 'a-Christmas x4 (Come let's talk, tell me about Christmas) Verse 1: I was walking dowin za street When who should I meet All za fayik Santa Clauzez Wiz some elves at zer feet Zen one asked what did I want From za guy dressed in red And I said I always prayed For presents like za Ozer kidz, a noice Christmas tree In za middle of za living room But daddy said to me No way! - we are Muslim So I prayed into za night Hobing Santa heard me right And zat it would all work out In za Christmas morning light I'm dreaming of a beige Christmas Beige Christmas x4 Ta'ali nit-haddas, Ihkili 'a-Christmas x2 (Come let's talk, tell me about Christmas) Christmas time is complicated for me too I'm a Christian Palestinian married to a Jew My friends are Sikh, Bahai, Muslim and Hindu What's an equal opportunity girl like me to do? Smoke some Sheesha Santa Clause and I'll spell it out for you Open my mind, my heart, my home to all of the above. And celebrate a beige Christmas holiday of love I'm dreaming of a beige Christmas Beige Christmas x4 May Humanity Turn a Page and May all your Christmases be beige